Q. How’s it hanging?
A. To the left. Always. Standing, sitting, lying down. Always to the left.

Q. What time is it?
A. A little later than just a bit ago.

Q. How are you today?
A. I’m fine, thanks for asking.

Q. Did you see the game last night?
A. Doubtful. But maybe.

Q. Big plans this weekend?
A. Same ol’ same ‘ol. Familial errands and some sort of children’s sporting event (or two (or three))

Q. What’s happening?
A. You’re asking me?

Q. Can I borrow a quarter?
A. Will two dimes and a nickel be ok?

Q. What time do you close?
A. I’m 24/7, baby.

Q. Do these pants make my butt look big?
A. No. You know what makes your butt look big? VISION!

Q. Does this come in black?
A. Sorry. One size fits all.

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